self
by oldandgray
Summary: Life is not always fair, and sometimes it's just plain mean.
1. self

**This is a follow on to "Green eyed monster dressed in blue". GEMDiB adds a little setup but is not required. I tried 3rd person instead of POV, let me know if I still captured them without being "in their head."**

**Warning, Part 1 is light and fluffy, but Part 2 not so much.**

****Skins may not be mine, but the grammatical and spelling errors are.****

Part 1

Chores can be fun, but last night's dishes had been too much fun and now Emily and Naomi found themselves redoing the task. The job had not been that big, dinner service for four, a few pots and pans and the day's stray cups, mugs and utensils. It had started with a little splash and a giggle, which lead to a bigger splash. It ended with two very wet girls standing in a puddle kissing, the dishes forgotten on the counter.

Gina always tried to start the day with a positive outlook. She had heard the girls up late and then the sounds from their bedroom later, so she was expecting a few stray dishes might have been missed. What she was not expecting was the job to have been abandoned in progress, the water now cold still standing in the sink, many items untouched, and even those that were done not fit to eat off of. That was ok; when they got up they could finish the job they had not started. She crossed the room towards the coffee pot and stepped in the puddle occupying the middle of the floor. This was not ok. The coffee forgotten Gina turned and retraced her steps up the stairs stopping at the door to the girl's room.

She quietly opened the door to a room that was surprisingly clean other than the pile of wet clothes in the floor. The two girls were still peacefully sleeping curled up in each other's arms. _So cute_, thought Gina, _well enough of this._ "Ladies!" It wasn't a yell, but it carried enough volume and force that there was no need to repeat. Two pairs of eyes immediately opened and focused on the source. "Get out of bed, deal with these wet things and meet me in the kitchen, directly." Gina exited the room before either girl could finish cataloging the instructions.

"You think she is upset about the dishes?"

Naomi just looked at Emily like she had suddenly revealed a third eye in the middle of her forehead, and then responded in her most sarcastic voice "Oh no, I am sure she just wants to thank us for the wonderful job we did."

"Well that's a relief," said Emily as she climbed out of bed and started towards the pile of clothing. "I thought we were in trouble." The pillow hit her square in the back. "Hey!"

"I'm the sarcastic one, quit stealing my act, you are supposed to be the cute innocent one."

Emily spun around and leaped back into the bed pinning Naomi down and planting a kiss on her lips. "You sure were trying to look cute and innocent last night after you threw water at me."

"In my defense, you splashed me first and you looked wonderful in a wet shirt. Now if we don't get down stairs soon we will be in more trouble."

"Too bad," as she lifted the covers and peaked under, "because you look wonderful in no shirt."

"I guess we should add get dressed to the list or we'll never get to any of her instructions."

A few minutes later dressed in sweat pants and t-shirts Emily and Naomi entered the kitchen each carrying an arm load of wet laundry. Gina was sitting at the table waiting on the coffee pot, and watched with interest as they made way across the room. Naomi being slightly in front stepped in the water first. 'Why is there water..." stopping mid-sentence.

"Yes Naomi why is there water on the floor?"

"We spilled some?"

Gina was not one to get mad, but she was not beyond a life lesson or two. "From the looks of the cloths in your arms and the lake on the floor you spilled what, somewhere between a pitcher and swimming pool? Girls," everyone noticed it was no longer _ladies_, "the dishes I could overlook, especially if you were to finish the job, but we had a rule about no damage to the house. Right?"

Suddenly they reverted to preschoolers caught misbehaving, their eyes cast down at their feet and answering together, "yes."

"Ok then, put those wet things in the washer, and as long as the floor is wet you might as well get he brushes and scrub it. And then you can have another go at the dishes."

What started as a somber task quickly became light hearted work, with the addition of a few shoulder and hip bumps, giggles and the occasional glance at their fellow conspirator. Gina sat with her coffee trying to look stern but not succeeding. About half way through the task she jumped up and hurried out of the room calling back "Don't neglect the corners."

Emily turned and peaked down the hall in time to see Gina, with a kiss pull Kieran away from the kitchen and into the lounge. Emily turned back and stole a kiss before returning to the spot she had been working on.

Naomi sat back and just looked at her. "What was that?"

"Mom is kissing Kieran in the lounge, so I took the opportunity to kiss you. Problem with that?"

"You know you just called my mom, mom?"

"I did?"

"Yes you did."

"Well, she is acting more like _a mom_ then _a Gina_ today."

"True."

"And she has been a better mom of late then my own, who still won't talk to me."

"Sorry."

"Why? You didn't do anything. Well, maybe you _did do something_," punctuating the statement with a very suggestive smile, "but you didn't make her the way she is."

Gina announced her return from down the hall, "How are those corners looking?"

Emily playfully frowned at Naomi and whispered "Back to work," and moved over into the corner of the kitchen.

Once the floor was done the girls moved on to the dishes. A quick survey of the drying rack proved their hearts and minds had been elsewhere and the results were less than sparkling. The sink was drained and refilled with fresh hot soapy water. With a mischievous look on her face Naomi picked up a spoon and dropped it into the sink splashing water and soap suds in Emily's direction. The smiles quickly became giggles.

Gina tried intervening, "Girls, try not to make another mess."

Emily replied in a whiny little girl voice, "But mom she splashed me."

Gina, missing the mom reference, tried again to control the situation, "I suppose this is how it started last night?"

"No," Naomi answered, "last night she splashed me, and" turning to the redhead, "you just called her mom again."

That got Gina's attention. She stopped and just looked at them for a moment. She got up from the table and moved to stand between the two of them, wrapping an arm around each. "I consider you both my girls," pulling them both in tight. "And any time you need a mom, either of you, I am here for you. Now please do the dishes without making too big a mess."

Before she could let go, the moment was interrupted by the front door buzzer. "I'll get that, you two have work to do."

Gina got to the door and opened it just as the visitor was starting to turn away. "May I help you?"

"I am so sorry to bother you I was looking for Emily. Does she live here?"

"Yes," sounding somewhat confused. "May I ask who is calling?"

"What, oh yes sorry I am Cecilia Jones, JJ's mother."

"Oh yes, please come in." Gina led her into the lounge, offering her a seat on the couch. "I'm Gina," she said extending a hand. "We were just doing some house work and were not expecting visitors."

"I can come back, if it would be better?"

"No don't be silly, you are here already no reason to make another trip. Can I get you anything, coffee or tea?"

"Tea would be nice."

"Of course. Let me go get Emily."

Gina reentered the kitchen and found both girls staring at her inquisitively. "Naomi would you put the water on for a pot of tea? Emily you have visitor in the lounge."

"Who?"

"Cecilia Jones."

While Emily had a look of surprise it was Naomi that spoke up, "What is she doing here?"

Emily still had a bewildered look on her face, "How should I know?"

"Is there something I should know?" asked Gina, but no one paid her any attention.

"Well you're the one who has contact with that family." Naomi's accusing tone was echoed in her body language.

"I have not spoken to either of them since that day." Naomi continued to stare at Emily trying to decide if she beveled her.

Gina took advantage of the pause to try again, "Is there a problem with that person being in my house?"

Emily broke eye contact and turned to Gina, "I don't have a problem, but it seems Naomi might." Then addressing both of them, "Let's just see what she wants. OK?"

"That seems reasonable. Naomi water please?"

"Good Morning Cecilia," Emily greeted her as she entered the room and sat in a chair opposite the couch.

"Hello Emily." Cecilia gave her a quick smile and then looked away. An uncomfortable pause filled the room.

Finally Emily could stand it no longer, and broke the silence. "What did you want to see me about?"

"Well, it's about JJ." There was another long pause.

_This is going to take all morning, _thought Emily.

"You know he is very clever at math, and well he has been invited to interview for an opening in the next class at Cambridge."

"That's wonderful. Is he excited?"

"Well he is not in yet, and that is what I wanted to talk about. He needs to travel to Cambridge for the interviews and to see the school."

Gina entered the room carrying a tray with the tea service. She placed it on the table and pored three cups offering one to each Cecilia and Emily and taking the third for her. A fourth cup remained empty and Emily glanced at the doorway to see Naomi hovering in the hall with a less than happy expression on her face. Gina took her tea and stepped back removing herself from the conversation while still maintaining a presence in the room.

Cecilia glanced between Emily and Gina as if trying to identify the dynamic between them. She gave up and stared at her cup gathering the will to continue. "It's two days with and overnight. Having his mother or father take him, well it might not seem that he was ready to go way to school. But if you were to go along as a friend..."

"Why should that be her responsibility?" Naomi's voice burst forth as she charged into the room.

Gina without missing a beat moved to cut her off, "Naomi I need your help in the kitchen." She turned her daughter and walked her out of the room. Over her shoulder, "You'll excuse us, please."

Cecilia went back to studding the bottom of her cup. Emily waited until she heard Naomi throw herself into one of the kitchen chairs. She took a deep breath and tried to recover the moment, "Thank you for trusting me to help your son. I need to give it some thought and talk to JJ before I can give you an answer."

"Of course," she placed the cup on the tray and rose to exit. "Thank you for seeing me and considering this. And thank your mother for the tea."

Emily smiled at the confusion "Gina is Naomi's mother, Naomi is my _girlfriend_."

"Oh... OH!" as a look of understanding crossed her face.

"I thought you knew, that JJ had told you."

"He said you were friends, I didn't understand you were... together. I am so sorry, this was inappropriate."

"No it's ok. I am his friend, and with Freddy and Cook no longer... in the picture," pausing not sure how the finish the thought. "I just need to know Naomi and JJ are both ok with this before I respond."

Emily walked her to the door and exchanged final goodbyes. After closing the door and few deep breathes she went back into the kitchen. Naomi was sitting at the table facing the doorway; Gina was standing behind her near the sink watching over her. Gina looked like she was about to start in on her when Emily shook her head no.

Without looking up and in a very defeated voice, "Emily, I am sorry I was such a cow. I owe Cecilia the same apology and will deliver it later. And thank you for including me in your decision. Mom, please forgive me for embarrassing you like that."

"Naomi I am not very happy with that outburst." She moved over next to the table and pulled them both into a hug. "I think we all need to go into the other room and finish that pot of tea, and someone needs to explain to me what is going on."

* * *

><p>Emily turned out the light and crossed the room to their bed, dropping her night shirt to the floor as she slid under the covers and into Naomi's waiting arms. She watched the blonde chew on her bottom lip in the glow of the street light. It was obvious Naomi had something to say but had not figured out if or how to say it, so the redhead waited her out.<p>

Finally gathering her courage, "I guess we have to talk about this, it's not going away."

"But it is all about going away," Emily responded with a big grin.

"Don't be cheeky, this is hard."

"I'm sorry."

"Did you call JJ?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"I wanted to talk to you first. You have right of first refusal."

Naomi looked into her eyes for a moment and then pulled her closer. The kiss was long and slow and passionate.

When they ran out of breath and separated, they both had a satisfied smile of their face. "Wow! I have to write down whatever I just said and use it again. That was defiantly a top 5 kiss."

"What could have beaten that?"

"Well there was the one on the beach in Goa that almost got us deported. Then there was the one at the Love Ball after I beat up Katie. And when you gave me the tickets to Goa. Ok top four."

"You're really going to give me the first change to say yes or no?"

"Of course I am."

"And if I say no?

"Then I call Cecilia tomorrow and tell her I can't do it, and I won't say a thing to JJ about it.

"And you won't blame me?"

"Nope, I'll say it didn't feel right and I just can't do it."

"I love you so much."

The silence filled the room, as they held each other.

"So is that the answer I need to give her?"

"No... I can't make you turn your back on a friend or break a promise. Help him out."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I love you Naomi Campbell."

* * *

><p>Part 2<p>

It had been just a little over 30 hours since she had waved goodbye to the redhead but it had seemed so much longer to Naomi. She paced up and down the platform and chewed her bottom lip waiting for the train. When it did arrive Emily and JJ were the last ones off. Even through her excitement she could see something was not right, but the blonde attributed it to them just being tired. She ran to them catching Emily in a big hug that was only halfheartedly returned.

"How was the trip?"

"It was ok." Emily did not sound convincing.

"Well..." started JJ, before he was cut off.

"JJ!" The look in Emily's eyes stopped him before he could go any further.

"It, was, fine." he finally got out looking at his shoes as he said it.

Naomi pulled back and looked at both of them trying to figure out what was going on. "What's wrong, was there a problem?"

"No nothing. I'm just tired and don't want to recount the whole trip here on the platform. Let's just go home," pulling Naomi into an embrace.

"Ok." Naomi accepted the explanation but did not really believe it.

The three met up with JJ's parents in the main hall. It was obvious Cecilia wanted to talk to Emily about how it went, but it was just as obvious that Emily didn't want to talk, and wanted to get away from the Jones family as fast as possible. She even turned down an offer of a ride home in favor of the bus. Naomi let it go figuring Emily would talk to her when they were home and alone.

"We're home," Naomi announced their entrance as she opened the door.

Gina met them at the foot of the stairs, "How did it go?"

"Ok," was Emily's unenthusiastic response, as she started up the steps.

Gina gave her daughter a questioning look, and got an _I got no clue_ shrug in response, as Naomi followed her up to the bedroom.

Emily dropped her ruck sack on the bed and went about picking out cloths and a towel before heading to the shower.

"I'll help you unpack."

"NO," Emily responded a little too quick, catching herself and the continued, "it's fine just leave it and we'll get it latter. I 'm going to go take a shower."

"Ok." Naomi was becoming more confused and more worried by the minute.

The redhead picked up the clothes and towel and went down the hall leaving a perplexed blonde standing in the middle of the room. A little modesty was not that strange, except that three women walking to and from the shower wrapped in towels was the norm, and the blush it caused Kieran was looked at as an unsanctioned sport.

Gina was waiting in the kitchen when Naomi entered. Her questioning look became concern when she saw her daughter's face. "What's going on?"

"I don't know. She is closing me out." Naomi went about making her girlfriend a cup of tea in silence. She took the mug back up to the bedroom and waited.

Emily flinched at seeing Naomi sitting on the bed, but continued into the room dropping her cloths and towel into the corner and moving the ruck sack to the top of the pile.

"I made you some tea."

"Thanks. I think I want to take a nap."

"Sure," the blonde replied with a smile and pulled the covers back.

Emily crawled into the bed, and just as Naomi was about to get in next to her, "I'm really tired, could you come back and check on me in a couple of hours?"

I took her a moment to realize she had asked to leave. "Ahh... sure." She walked to the door and managed to call back over her shoulder in a broken voice, "Feel better."

Naomi went down stairs and found her mom in the lounge. The tears in her eyes told Gina it was bad. "Naomi, what is it?"

"I still don't know. Mom she asked me to leave the room. I don't understand what's going on."

But Gina did. Turning her home into a commune/half-way-house had presented this scenario before. She rose and went up to the bedroom and lightly knocked on the door, opening it just enough to poke her head in, "Emily love, can I come in?" She took the lack of response as an invitation. She sat on the edge of the bed and gently rested a hand on the girl's shoulder. "I said if you needed a mom I was here for you. Now what's the matter?"

Emily sat up and hugged Gina, "I don't know how to tell her what happened."

Gina laid a quieting finger across Emily's lips, and called out toward the door, "Naomi, garden, now."

They both sat in silence as they listen to Naomi trudge down the stairs and a moment later they heard the backdoor close.

"How did you know?" a half smile coming to her face as she imagined the blonde descending the stairs.

"My daughter loves you so much. She is worried about you and what is going on. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Promise you won't say anything to her?"

"Promise. You get to decide what to share and when. I just need to know that my girl is ok. And I would like to know what has caused her this much hurt."

Emily held Gina a little tighter and looked away as she spoke, "Last night JJ and I went to a party. On the way back to our room I was attacked."

"Was it JJ?"

"NO, locals." Her voice was choking up has she held back the tears.

"Did they hurt you?"

The tears started, and Gina could feel her shirt dampen where the girls face was pressed against her. Emily nodded her head yes. And pulled Gina closer still.

"Emily?"

"Mom, he raped me."

Gina had tears in her eyes as she held and rocked her gently. She wanted to say how sorry she was that it had happened, but Emily didn't need pity she needed love and strength, so that what Gina gave her.

As the tears slowed Gina handed Emily the now lukewarm tea. "Have you been to a doctor?"

She shook her head no.

"Ok then let's go. May I borrow your phone?"

That caught Emily off guard but nodded yes and pointed to the table.

She picked up the phone and typed a quick text showing Emily before sending it.

_We need to run an errand and will be back in a few hours. Don't _worry. _Love Mom_

Emily took the phone and added _"and Em" _to the end of the message before sending.

Emily had known strong willed people. Her sister and mother fell into this category, so she thought she knew what to expect when that personality type enters a conflict. Gina raised the bar when the nurse suggested she sit in the waiting room while Emily was examined. There was no yelling, no shouting, but the message was conveyed in a way that there was no misunderstanding. Gina would be staying by her side, holding her hand for the duration. And the possibility where that was not the case simply did not exist, at least not without consequences that no one wanted to explore.

The exam was all that she feared it would be, embarrassing, humiliating, and in its own way as emotionally painful as the attack. But at the same time she found it easier to talk to strangers about what had happened. They didn't show the anger or the need to go and right the wrong, the way that she knew Naomi would. Through it all Gina sat by her side silently holding her hand, all but invisible.

Emily could guess most of what the doctor told her even before she walked in. That she really need to speak with the Cambridge police not the Bristol department. That 18 hours, three changes of clothes and two showers had removed almost all evidence with the exception of a few bruises on her arms and legs. That there were no serious injuries but the STD screens would take about a day to get results. "And Miss Fitch, the early result test we did shows you are pregnant." She went on about the test not being 100% accurate, but how the drugs they would give her were safe.

Emily had stopped listening at the word 'pregnant'. She pulled her knees up under chin and tried to pull her hand back, but Gina was not having it. She only held on tighter. When the nurse stepped forward holding the paper cup containing the pill and a glass of water, Emily came back to the present.

"NO!" Everything in the room stopped.

"Miss Fitch, I assure you this is the safest easiest way to deal with this."

Emily turned her head towards the doctor and looked deep into her eyes. "Will another 48 hours change anything?"

"In this case it won't change anything," conceded the doctor.

Standing Gina spoke her first words since entering the room, "I think that settles that. If there is nothing else, let's go home Emily."

Nether Gina or Emily said much more as they went about the process of leaving the hospital. The nurse who had suggested Gina stay in the waiting room handed her some literature and counseling information and wished them luck. They got to the car and both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Just to put your mind at ease, nothing I have seen or heard goes any further then the two of us. And whatever you need Emily, please ask. I have just one request, remember Naomi will do whatever she can for you. Don't hurt her trying to protect her."

Emily just nodded and looked away.

* * *

><p>Gina and Emily came through the front door to find Naomi standing in the kitchen door way with a very worried look on her face. Her expression cried out 'is everything ok?' but instead simply said "Dinner can be ready whenever you two are."<p>

Gina gave her daughter a very proud but tired smile, "Thank you dear. Would 15 minutes be ok?"

"That would be fine," replied Naomi, her eye fixed on Emily as she started up the stairs.

"I am going to change and wash up," she said in a small voice as climbed the steps.

Gina looked from Emily back to Naomi and mouthed the words 'just wait.' She turned and entered the lounge to join Kieran on the couch.

He gave a look of concern as she sat down next to him. "Is she ok?"

"Emily had a trauma. I promised her I would not say anything, and that it was up to her to decide what and with whom she shared. Just be ready for crying, yelling and door slamming, and that will just be from me. The girls will be even louder." Gina was trying to keep a happy face but the hurt was showing through.

Kieran pulled her into a hug and they stayed that that way without speaking until Naomi called them for dinner.

The meal was a stressed event with all four of them by silent agreement staying away from the subject of Emily. Naomi described the work she had done in the garden and how if the weather cooperated they could have dinner on the patio tomorrow night. There were some really bad jokes exchanged and a few even got a smile out of Emily.

At the end of the meal Naomi stood and started to clear the table. Gina stopped her. "We will take care of this; you two call it an early evening,"

Emily and Naomi traded looks and then both muttered agreement. Emily stood and gave Gina a hug whispering "Thank you" in her ear, and then turned and started for the stairs.

As Naomi started to follow Gina caught her by the hand and said, "If she talks to you," reaching up and toughing her ear, "don't hear," and then putting her hand over the girl's heart, "listen."

Naomi nodded in understanding, quietly said goodnight and followed Emily upstairs.

The blonde entered their room to find herself alone. Emily walked in behind her a moment later dressed in long sleeve t-shirt and sweat pants. Naomi took the hint, selecting modest sleeping attire and going down the hall to change. When she returned Emily was sitting in the middle of the bed with her knees pulled up under her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs. Naomi quietly asked "Lights out?"

"Yes please."

She crossed the room in the dark and slipped under the covers facing the redhead. Emily just sat in the dark for another minute, and then stretched out facing Naomi. Even in the dark she could see the worry and concern in the blue eyes looking back at her. She offered an open hand between them which Naomi took lacing their fingers together.

"This is hard. There is so much I need to tell you. And so much I am afraid to tell you." There was a long pause as Emily gathered her courage to continue. "Last night JJ and I went to a party, a really lame geeky Math Department party. Social rank was set by how many digits of Pi you could recite, and sexy talk was 'have you ever kissed a girl?' JJ fit right in. It was so cute." She could see Naomi's smile as she tried not to laugh. Emily looked down at their hands as she continued. "On the way back to our room we ran into a pair of drunken locals. JJ shared a little too much while trying hard to protest me and talk our way out of it. One of them took it upon himself to show me what I was missing by liking girls." She could feel Naomi tense up. The tears started to flow. "He held me down." She took another pause. "He, raped me."

"Oh Em…" Naomi moved to pull the redhead into a hug.

"No, please," she pleaded while pulling away from the embrace. "Just hold my hand, be my friend. The rest feels wrong right now."

Naomi couldn't find the words to say, so she just held her best friend's hand tight and cried with her.

The morning sun found them snuggled up together in the middle of the bed. As Emily woke and passed through that not quite awake confusion, the arms around her took her back to attack. She started screaming before her eyes were open. "NO! PLEASE STOP! PLEASE DON'T!" and fought her way out of the bed.

"Em… Em, please, it's ok it's just me. Em!" Naomi was out of the bed standing next to her, not touching but wanting to.

Emily stopped and looked deep into those blue eyes, and pulled Naomi in to a hug, the blonde hesitated but returned the embrace.

"I'm so glad that stupid wanker had green eyes."

"Me too!"

The door burst open and Gina entered followed by Kieran, "Is everything ok?"

"Yes, bad dream."

"Well since everyone is up, let's go start the coffee and see what there is for breakfast."

* * *

><p>About noon Emily entered the kitchen to find an amused Gina watching her daughter dig through the cabinets searching for ingredients. The weather had been half way promising, so Naomi had created her menu for their patio dinner and was now working on a shopping list. "When was the last time someone went to the market and bought real <em>fresh <em>food? I didn't know you could put this in a can. Yuck."

Emily watched for a moment before interrupting the rant, "I am going over to talk to Katie."

Gina gave her a reassuring look and asked "Do you need someone to go with you?"

"No thanks, I'll be fine."

"You can borrow my car."

"That's ok, looks like you may need it to go to a market for real _fresh_ food. The bus will get me close."

"Are you sure?"

"It will be ok"

A short walk, a bus ride and another short walk Emily stood at the front door. She took a breath and went inside. "KATIE, are you here?"

"In here," came the reply.

Emily walked into the kitchen to find her sister consuming a fashion magazine. She would leaf through until she found something she liked and then tear it out for use as reference on her next shopping expedition.

"I need to talk to you."

Katie glanced up and then when back to her search. "You look like microwaved shit. Did you have a fight with the blonde? I warned her. Oh! Just look at these shoes!" as she held the magazine up to show her sister.

"Fuck the shoes Katie!" Emily ripped the magazine from her twin's hands and threw it across the room. "I'm pregnant, I don't know what to do, and I need my sister." She could feel the tears starting again.

Few times in life had left Katie speech less, but this was one of them. Then finally with effort "Ems, what happened? I mean how is that even possible?" Katie moved around the table to hold her sister.

"I was attacked. He decided to show the gay girl what she was missing."

"Help me find him; I will personally put his balls in a jar for you."

"We can't. It happened in Cambridge. I don't want to talk about that. I just need to know what to do now."

"We hunt the fucker down, hurt him and give what's left to dad."

"KATIE! Stop. And don't say anything to dad. I just don't know what to do about the baby."

"It's not really a baby yet. And you can't keep it."

"I know, but it's a life, and getting rid it is not how we were raised. Besides it feels wrong to destroy what you can't have."

"Em you can't have a baby like this because of me."

"Emily is going to have a baby? I'm so happy to hear changed your mind about that silly gay thing. Who's the dad, do I know him?"

Nether girl had heard Jenna enter the house or the room, and both now stared at her in disbelief.

"No mom you don't know him," Emily started in on her, disbelief becoming anger. "The mouth breather saw me on the street, found out I was gay, and threw me to the ground to show me what I was missing."

"Now Emily that is no tone to use towards your mother. And maybe if you hadn't been flaunting this gay thing, this sort of thing wouldn't happen."

Emily's face went from anger to shock to horror to devastation. And then the tears started. She ran from the room out the front door and down the street.

Katie turned on her mom as the front door slammed and with hands on hips let her have it, "You stupid cow. How could you? Your own daughter and you just told her it was her fault she was raped. And because you told her all life is sacred she is pregnant with a child of violence. EEERRRRR!"

Katie ran to the door and called, but there was no sign of her sister.

* * *

><p>Naomi and Gina returned from their trip to the market. After putting the food away Naomi went up to their room to see if Emily was back. She found Emily curled up in a ball the middle of the bed crying. She sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on the redhead's shoulder, who recoiled at the touch.<p>

"Ems, what now?"

"Oh just everything is shit. My sister just wants to hunt the guy down. My mother said if I wasn't so into this gay thing it might not have happened. I'm broken. I'm dirty. I'm pregnant. I don't know…"

"You're what?!"

"Pregnant. You know unprotected sex and all that. I just didn't have a chance to say 'please put a condom on, my girlfriend will be upset if I come home knocked up.'"

"Emily, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because."

"Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"I can't get clean. The violence, the violation, I keep taking showers and changing cloths but it's still on me and I don't want it on you. I love you. I want to hold you, and love you. And all I can think of is that if you touch me it will be like he was touching me and I just want to scream"

"Emily..." Both had tears running down their faces.

"And what about this life?" placing a hand on her belly. "How can I destroy what Katie can't create? But how can I keep it knowing where it came from and what it means?"

"Emily I think..."

"NO! That's why I couldn't tell you. I HAS to be my choice. It's my body. My life. My since of self. My baby." The last two words were all but a whisper.

She pushed past Naomi and ran down the stairs and out the front door, with Naomi calling her back. The door slamming was the final blow and she sunk to the floor and continued crying. After a few minutes Gina came in to check on her. Shaking her head she sat down next to her daughter and pulled her into a hug.

"I tried to do what you said and listen with my heart, but she won't listen to me."

"When I first opened our home you hid in your room for two month, so you may have not noticed one of the young women who was here. She had been through something much like Emily, and I tried my best to help her. I hugged her and held her when she cried, I pushed and prodded to try and get her out of her shell. In less than a month she was gone and I never heard from her again. I did a lot of research so I would never make that mistake again." She lifted her daughters chin to look in to the big blue blood shot eyes. "She has lost control of her world. And now she needs to find that control. And regain her belief in herself. Offer but don't push. She makes all the decisions. And be her friend now her lover later. Ok?" Naomi sniffled and nodded. "Go find our girl."

* * *

><p>It had become a gray overcast day; it matched her mood, gray and overcast. Emily sat on a bench at the top of the hill and watched the city. She pulled her knees up under her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs holding herself tight. <em>How could it all go so wrong so fast?<em>

Naomi walked up the hill behind her and stopped and just watched for a moment. She could see the fear, hurt and loneliness radiate from Emily. _Don't cry this time Naomi, don't yell, just don't... _Naomi slowly moved closer and sat on the end of the bench with her back to Emily. She could feel the mood change behind her. All of Emily's fear, and hurt became anger.

"What do you want now," she spat the words out.

Naomi didn't move didn't speak.

Emily's eyes drilled into the back of the blonde's head trying to make her do something, but still she just sat there.

"Fine, say nothing. I am going to find another bench if you like this one so much, just leave me alone." She unfolded her legs and started to stand.

"Emily wait... No words this time, except to say I couldn't find a cat flap to place between us, but I promise not to look back until you are ready." Naomi reached back behind her and extended an open hand between them.

Emily stopped and looked down at the extended hand. That simple offer and all that came with it. The promise it was on her terms. The offer of friendship. The acceptance that this was not something easy. The chance for two to be one through a simple touch. The chance to try again. Emily slipped her hand into Naomi's, closed her eyes and cried.

* * *

><p><strong>If you made it to this point Thank You for reading. Please send a review, it can even just be "liked it" or "hated it". I haven't decided yet myself. And I don't know if I will return to this story line but if I do should Emily keep "it"? "Yes" or "No", no need to justify the response if you don't want to.<strong>


	2. another

**A big Thank You to my reviewers, first round at Fishponds Tavern is on me. And thank you for keeping me honest, I could have set the scene a little better for those who had not read or reread GEMJiB. I also cheated on the abilities of medical science, the pregnancy test should have waited until 5 to 10 days after the attack not 18 hours. I claim literary license.**

**Skins may not be mine, but the grammatical and spelling errors are.**

* * *

><p>They sat on the bench until the sun went down, the weather giving them a break by not raining. Emily was pretty sure that was the only thing that had gone right today.<p>

"I'm getting cold, will you take me home?"

Naomi stood without letting go and pulled the redhead to her feet still not looking back.

"And you can look at me you silly twat."

The blonde turned towards her, trying to wipe her own tears away she only succeeded in making her face a bigger wreck. Naomi wanted nothing more than to pull Emily close and hold her forever, but instead opted for kissing the back of her hand and tried to force a smile. They walked home in silence.

As the front door opened Gina ran into the entry way. "Naomi, did you find..."

"She found me. I just needed some time to think." She looked down at the hand she had been holding for the last three hours, "About a lot of things."

"Emily! Are you all right?" Her voice preceded her by a fraction of a second as Katie ran into the room and threw her arms around her twin. "Would it hurt to answer your bloody mobile?"

"I must have left it upstairs."

"We were so worried about you; mom didn't really mean to say that..."

"Katie stop. This woman," pointing at Gina, "is Mom. Jenna may have given birth to us but she quit being Mom some time ago."

"Ems how can you say that?"

Gina chose that moment to rescue both Naomi and herself from the twins. "Naomi, could you help me in the kitchen with dinner?"

Naomi turned to Emily with a look of concern; she was met with a node and quick smile that everything would be ok. The blonde gave a quick squeeze to the hand she was still holding, before letting go and following her mother.

"Not only did she tell me it was my fault I was attacked, but she still won't accept me for who I am. I didn't choose to be gay any more then I chose to be a girl. And twice in what maybe 30 words she asked if I had given up on the 'gay thing'. She has a lot of changes to make before I can start to think of her as mom."

Katie looked into her sister's face and realized this was not a fight either would win here and now, and chose instead to simply hug her tighter.

"Emily, Katie come and have some food. Kieran bring another chair in would you?

"Really I should be on my way," Katie called back towards the kitchen.

"Non-since, I made you stay until they turned up, now you come eat something and visit with your sister."

The meal started to look like another stress filled gathering around the table. There were a few short words exchanged but no conversations, and the tension was growing as everyone tried not to talk about Emily. And then a thought occurred to Naomi and she had to try and hide the smile it caused. Sitting right across the table was the solution. "Katie, did you see what was being worn in the new issue of Heat?"

Everyone around the table with the possible exception of Gina was aware of what Naomi had just done. She had given Katie Fashion Fitch an open invitation to discuss style and celebrities. Kieran rolled his eyes and looked over at Naomi. She mouthed the word "Sorry." He smiled and replied "Well done," and looked down before anyone noticed the exchange.

Katie was in true form and carried the conversation for the rest of the meal. Kieran just focused on his plate, having given up on weighty political matters being a topic of discussion. As dinner came to a close the oldsters excused themselves and left the table and the kitchen to the girls to clean.

With the cleanup starting Katie realized what time it had gotten to be and make her good nights. Emily walked her to the door for a final hug and farewell, and then returned to the kitchen to help Naomi finish the dishes. The room had become much quieter with Katie's exit, but Naomi was not about the let the mood turn sour and tried to keep the conversation going.

Finally Emily could not take it any longer. "Naomi, I know what you are trying to do, and thank you, but silence would be nice too."

"Sorry, I was just enjoying seeing you smile."

"I know, I was enjoying smiling. But I still have a lot of darkness to work through."

"Ok." Looking sad and almost lost Naomi returned to the dishes.

"Hey don't look that way, I needed cheering up and it was appreciated, just not constantly. And if you ever turn my sister loose at a dinner table like that again," she reached into the sink for a hand full of soap bubbles and placed them on the blonde's nose, "there will be consequences."

Once the cleanup was done Naomi took Emily by the hand and led her up the stairs stopping outside their bedroom door. "I don't want to push or to make you feel uncomfortable in any way. There is a bed in here and one in the spare room. You choose where you want to sleep, and where you want me to sleep."

"I would like to sleep in this bed," pointing to their room, "it feels safe there." She could feel the blonde's fear of being pushed away again. "But I think I need some space."

Naomi held the sadness in check, but her voice still cracked as she answered, "You should be where you feel safe. Good night," and started to turn away before the tears began.

"Wait, will you come and sit with me and talk for a little bit?"

Naomi's smile was the only reply necessary. They entered the room without turning on the light and found a spot on the floor leaning against the bed. They sat just close enough to hold hands in the dark and talked of nothing for hours.

Naomi finally stood up and pulled the redhead into a hug and sent her to bed, and then made her way to the spare room. She lay in the dark with tears in her eyes, afraid to close them, for if she did it would be Emily's face she would see. The sad hurt face. She cursed the individual who had caused this, and imagined a place where she and Katie could explain in PAINFUL detail why his action had been wrong. It was a nice distraction, but Naomi found no comfort in it. She was just trading hurt for anger, and neither would help Emily. She had to find a way to give her the love and friendship needed to find her way back.

The knock at the door and voice were so soft she almost missed them, "Noms, are you still awake?"

"Ems, what's wrong?"

"It's lonely in there and I need my best friend. Can you come to our bed?"

If the lights had been on Emily might have laughed as Naomi in her hast tangled herself in the covers and fell to the floor. In the dark all she heard was the thump as the blonde hit the floor.

"Shit."

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, just tripped."

A slightly more restrained Naomi followed Emily back to their bedroom and watch the redhead crawl into the bed and under the covers. As she started to join her Emily turned and looked up, "You're not warring any pajamas?"

"You know I normally don't, and I didn't take anything in the other room with me." Emily continued to just look not saying anything. "I'll go put something on."

"It's ok, be comfortable. Just don't expect more than some hand holding."

"Are you sure? It's not a big deal."

"Naomi just get in bed." The blonde climbed in under the covers and offered a hand which Emily accepted, lacing their fingers together. "And Noms, try not to be so guarded around me. Of all the things that were taken from me, don't let the strong, self-assured woman I fell in love with be one of them."

"I'll try. I just can't imagine what you have gone through or begin to understand what's ahead. I don't know how to fix it and I'm afraid of making things worse."

"You can't fix it Noms; I think that is my job."

"Why does it all have to be on you? Why can't you let someone help?"

"Because I am the one it happened to. I know what's broken, what needs fixing."

"But we are a couple. We help each other, even if it is just a little thing like holding hands."

"Accept that this is on me. I can't make it un-happen so I have to learn to live with the memory. And don't for a minute think holding my hand is a little thing. It is so important to me just knowing I am not alone and that you're there."

There was so much more Naomi wanted to know and to say, but she remembered her mother's advice and simply squeezed Emily's hand and let the silence continue. Just as she felt sleep about to overtake her, "I like you so much Emily, and I love you."

The words struck a chord in the redhead's heart, and a smile spread across her face. "I like and love you too."

* * *

><p>The sun filled the room with light and Emily started to wake. She could feel the warmth of the person next to her and the smooth skin of the body her arm was draped across. She slid her hand up and cupped her girlfriend's breast and gave it a light squeeze as she snuggled in closer. <em>It had all been a bad dream.<em>

The attention woke Naomi who turned her head towards the redhead and whispered "Good morning beautiful." She reached across and placed a hand on Emily's shoulder and drug it down her arm towards the elbow. The same motion had been in her bad "not-dream". It all had been real and the memories came rushing back along with the fear and and the panic. Emily pulled her hand back as if it had been burned, turning and scooting until her back was to the blonde.

"Please Naomi don't."

"Em, sorry. I..." Naomi not being fully awake or understanding what had just happened stammered her worlds trying to find the right thing to say. "I... just... but... you...," finally just giving up and ending with "sorry." She crawled out of bed slipped some clothes on and left the room.

Emily curled up in a ball and thought a few very nasty things at the Universe for allowing her to hurt Naomi like that.

Gina was in the kitchen when Naomi walked in and flopped into one the chairs and rested her head on the table. She couldn't help asking the obvious as she placed a mug of coffee in front of her daughter, "Rough night?"

"Something like that."

Gina considered pressing for details, but before she could ask what the latest trauma was Emily entered the room. "Good morning Emily. Coffee?"

"Yes please."

At the sound of her voice Naomi sat up and tried to look like everything was alright. Emily walked up behind her and leaning in placed a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek. She then whispered in her ear, "You lady are a saint. I am sorry for what just happened." Emily went on to find breakfast and left Naomi staring at her coffee wondering what life would offer up next.

* * *

><p>Emily sat in their room looking out the window at nothing, asking herself for the thousand time today <em>Why me? <em>The sound of the mobile ringing rescued her from the dark thoughts surrounding that question.

"Hello?"

"Miss Fitch?"

"Yes."

"Miss Fitch, this is Dr. Grant; I was you attending the night before last in A & E. I am sorry this took so long but I wanted to let you know we got your STD screens back and they were all negative.

"Thank you Doctor."

"Is the post address you provided current?"

"Yes?"

"I am going to send you a referral to an OB-GYN I know. Whatever course you choose you should go see her. And you should have the STD screen repeated in one month's time, she can arrange that."

"Thank you."

"Take care Miss Fitch."

"I will."

Emily just stared at the mobile after the call ended. She should be happy, that was good news, but all it really meant was the next decision now needed to be made.

Emily found Gina in her room sorting through a big pile of mismatched socks. She walked over and started helping sort the different colors. Gina looked up from the task to see the intensity in the girls face, but refrained from asking, letting her share when ready.

"You said you'd be a mom whenever we needed one?"

"Of course."

"Could you not be for a little bit? I mean just listen, not judge, not be supportive, not offer advice, just listen?"

"Well if you were to ask my daughter she would tell you that was beyond my abilities, but I will try," she answered with a smile.

Emily looked back down at the socks and continued sorting. Gina could see her trying the words out in her head, and just waited.

"The doctor called and my STD screens all came back negative." Gina wanted to say how happy for her she was, but bit her tongue and stayed quiet. "I should be happy, but now all I can see is the next question." She dropped the socks, placed both hands on her stomach and looked down at her belly, "What do I do now?"

It killed Gina to stay quite but she was true to her promise, and waited for the redhead to continue. She could see the tears in Emily's eye as she tried to match the different colored socks.

"Do I welcome another person into my life, or turn my back on it. Do I go through at the struggles and give it up for adoption? What will this do to Noms? Can we ever be us again?" She paused realizing she had moved the same sock between piles four times.

"I shouldn't have to make decisions like this. I wasn't out shagging around; I was trying to do a good deed."

"And this life had nothing to do with what happened. How could I just brush it aside? That's not who I am. That's why I went with JJ; I couldn't just brush him aside. Naomi didn't want me to go, she wanted me to live our life not someone else's." Emily slumped to the floor and broke out in tears, "It's all my fault. I have wrecked my life, and Naomi's and our chance together."

"Do I just get rid of it or bring it into this fucked up mess of a world?"

Gina finished sorting and stood by the bed making busy work until Emily's tears slowed. A little voice from near the floor called up to her, "Mom?"

"Yes love?"

"It sucks being an adult."

"It does. And," she walked around the bed and sat on the floor next to the girl, "it is wonderful. I just watch an 18 year old girl prove herself a Person. And that was amazing. While I will not defend Jenna, she did raise a very bright young lady who just asked all the right questions. And showed that you do think about things and care about others. I won't try and answer any of the questions you just posed because you already have the answers in your heart; you just need to believe what it is telling you."

"But what about Naomi, what will she do and say?"

"Her mom didn't do such a bad job either; have faith in her heart too."

* * *

><p>Gina watched them walk up the road towards the house, and went to meet them on the step. "You," looking at Naomi, "I believe have someone waiting for you inside. And you," letting her daughter into the house and turning on Kieran, "you two have been down at the pitch smoking and watching the club practice, haven't you?"<p>

"I... well a..." dropping his shoulders, "guilty as charged."

"Fine, you are taking me to the pub and buying me a pint or three of cider."

"I am?"

"Yes let's go." She reached back pulling the door closed, and proceeded to lead him away.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, but there could be a conversation that we don't need to be a part of."

"Is it bad?"

"I don't think so, but they may learn things about themselves and each other that they had never thought to ask."

* * *

><p>"Ems?"<p>

"In here," she answered from the lounge. Naomi found her sitting on the sofa holding her laptop. The blonde walked around and looked over her shoulder; the screen was filled with an image of a beach at sunset. She rested a hand on the redhead's shoulder who reached up and covered it with her own. "That night the sky was so beautiful." She paused for a moment still looking at the screen. "Would you sit with me and talk a while?"

"Sure." Naomi moved to the other end of the couch, kicked her flats off and folded her legs up under her on the cushion. She was suddenly aware that her mother and Kieran had not reentered the house. Emily's expression did nothing to relieve her growing concern.

Emily set the laptop on the table in front of the couch so that they could both see the screen, and then set a folded sheet of paper on the keyboard. "We need to talk about me, about what has happened, the choices I need to make and what they mean to us. I have made a decision and it is on that piece of paper, but before you look I need to know what you are thinking. There is no wrong answer as long as what you tell me is true in your heart."

"Just a bit melodramatic don't you think Ems?"

"Yah, but I mean it. I want to know what you feel not what you think I want to hear or need to hear."

There was a pause as they stared into each other's eyes trying to figure out what to say next. Emily looked away first and let her eyes rest on the image of the beach. "I want to go back to that place and time, it was all perfect."

"I can't take you to that time but I will take you to that place and a hundred other beaches."

"Right, how is that going to work if we have a kid or kids?"

"Kids love the beach."

"Be serious Naomi, it won't be just us anymore. We won't be able to just pop off to the club, or the beach any time we wish."

"I didn't say we could. I'm just saying our dreams don't end if we choose to keep it."

"But some of them do. How are we, how am I going to go to Uni?"

"Did I miss something; none of the schools said moms can't attend."

"How is that going to work, who will take care of the kid while we go to class and study?"

"So we do it one at a time, we take a gap year and then you go first."

"What if I don't keep it, just get rid of it now."

Naomi turned her head away, eyes unfocused as she looked across the room and searched her heart for the way to describe her fears. "It seems like it would be the easiest way to put this all behind us. But I am afraid that you will regret the choice and grow to resent that you made that choice for me."

"I'm scared to be a mom. I don't know how and I don't want to be like Jenna."

"You will be a brilliant mom."

"How do you know?"

"You care so much and never give up."

"That's call being stubborn."

"Katie is stubborn, you're determined." That caused the redhead to smile and playfully push at Naomi. "Can you separate the child from the attack? Or will it always be a reminder?"

"In a way. There will always be that connection, but the child is a victim just like me. It didn't ask to be created this way."

"But one way or another it changes your life."

The both sat in silence looking at the photo of the beach. Naomi looked over to find Emily's brown eyes looking back.

"From the heart Naomi what do you think?"

"You may not like this answer. I miss you Emily. I know you can't just be magically over all this and that it is going to take time, but I still want to hold you and have it all be better."

"Does that mean I should get rid of it?"

"I didn't say that. I think she deserves a chance, and shouldn't have that taken away before it ever begins. But in the end Emily it is your body and you have to choose. As much as it hurts me to say this you have put Emily first."

It was almost a whisper as she put her hands on her stomach, "She..."

Emily reached over picked up the paper and handed to Naomi, who unfolded it and read the words aloud.

"I choose Naomi and I choose my baby, together the three of us are a family."

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading. Please review and let me know what you thought.<strong>


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